"Fifty Shades of Grey" on the Big Screen

Who would have thought that “Twilight” fan-fiction could ever amount to anything? “Fifty Shades of Grey,” the new “it” book that’s becoming the talk of the town, has done just that. What makes this feat so noteworthy isn’t the fact that it was originally available online for free when entitled “Master of the Universe;” what makes this a big deal is the fact that it’s an erotica novel – and a particularly kinky one at that.

The story is about recent virginal college grad Anastasia Steele, who begins a BDSM relationship with 27-year old billionaire Christian Grey. (I know, could those be more stereotypical romance novel names?) Erotica has been around forever, but “50 Shades” marks the slow de-stigmatization of the genre – after all, word of mouth is what took it from viral hit to a published New York Times bestseller.

While the book is certainly one heck of a quick read, that doesn’t necessarily mean it was well written. The heroine has a bit of an annoying tendency to constantly bite her lip, think “oh my!” and refer to her “inner goddess” (which is really just the sex addict part of her brain). In fact, she may be the only character more annoying than the (un)popular Bella Swan.

After an intense bidding war between some major Hollywood studios, Universal Pictures and Focus Features bought the film rights to the trilogy for an estimated $5 million. With the momentum this story is currently receiving from the press, it’s definitely in their best interest to get straight to work on the script and try and crank this one out as quickly as possible before the buzz fizzles out.

So now that the film is a sure thing, who should be cast in the lead roles? Ana describes herself as "a pale, brown-haired girl with blue eyes too big for her face." Whoever plays her needs to have a balance between shy and awkward – and sexy and uninhibited. Someone quite a bit like Rooney Mara of “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” fame.

Fans will probably be a bit pickier when it comes to the casting of Christian Grey, who is described as nothing short of gorgeous with his “unruly dark-copper-colored hair” and piecing grey eyes. As the domineering master of sexual prowess, whoever plays him is going to have quite a bit to live up to. Michael Fassbender is who first comes to mind, but he’s too old. However, the strong jawline and perfectly chiseled features of the likes of Henry Cavill (he’s playing Superman in the new reboot) or “Gossip Girl’s” Chace Crawford could very well do the trick.

It’s not entirely surprising that the studios were tripping over each other to get their hands on this one. Whenever a book starts to show a large and distinct fan base, it usually seems like a no-brainer. Though this is far from the typically popular book franchise that sends teens into delirium.

“Fifty Shades” has so much sex and so little story, it’ll be tough to make it into more than a 2-hour sex romp – and even tougher to make it with anything but an NC-17 rating. And regardless of the rating, will women even go to the theaters to see it? It’s one thing to hide behind the anonymity provided by discrete e-readers; it’s quite another to see the titillating story in theaters.

Past box office numbers do little to clear this up. A few “sexy” movies come to mind -- “Shame,” “9 ½ Weeks,” “Unfaithful,” “Secretary” -- none of which really made a killing at the box office, to say the least. Though if “Fifty Shades of Grey” does as well as Universal is expecting, then you can bet it’ll be the beginning of a beautiful friendship between erotica and mainstream film.

Also consider this: Is it possible that men will flock to the theaters, even to something that’s constantly being referred to as “mommy porn” by the media? It definitely has its share of sex to keep them happy – whips and chains included.