Movie Review: 'How Do You Know'

How do you know a movie sucks? When you constantly look over at The Kidd with eyes pleading to promptly leave the theater, that’s how. I consider myself to be somewhat of a “chick flick connoisseur”…but I’m now embarrassed to admit that I found myself endlessly hopeful that HOW DO YOU KNOW would be the movie to reinstate the impression that chick flicks can actually be great movies. Let’s look at the facts: it’s written and directed by James L. Brooks, the mind behind AS GOOD AS IT GETS. This alone was enough to spark my interest. Then add in a stellar cast made up of Paul Rudd, Reese Witherspoon, Owen Wilson, and Jack Nicholson, and well…how can you blame me for expecting something worthwhile? With 90% of the funny moments coming straight from the trailer, HOW DO YOU KNOW leaves us with a movie that’s 100% unnecessary.

Once upon a time there existed a thing called a “plot”. However, HOW DO YOU KNOW seems to have sidestepped this useless device (insert sarcasm here), choosing instead to center the movie around four unlikable characters. No, really. Nothing happens in this movie. Zip. Zero. Zilch. And instead of just putting us out of our misery after an hour and a half, someone somewhere allowed for this movie (with, let me say it again) NOTHING going on, to run to two full hours. Two full hours of four unlikable characters biting each other’s heads off and arguing… sometimes with no real reason other than because they want to argue. The main character is Lisa (Witherspoon), a 31-year-old athlete who just found out that her softball career is at an end. Witherspoon, who I view at the epitome of “girly” (she’ll always be Elle Woods to me), surprisingly plays the jock gal well. But nevertheless, at times I found it supremely hard to like her. She keeps jumping from a horrendous relationship with Matty (Wilson, playing the big-time athlete/womanizer) to entertaining the idea of starting one with George (Rudd, totally in his element as an awkward but sweet guy in a financial crisis), who she has absolutely no chemistry with.

The main problem with this is that no one likes watching someone who’s indecisive… especially when there’s no reason for her to be with either guy in the first place. She changes her mind so many times within the last hour of the film that it was headache-inducing (can you say whiplash?). If I was able to get on board with at least one character, or if I even cared in the slightest when that obligatory end kiss came with the “lucky” (psh) man she choose, then maybe I would have been able to enjoy a light movie with some laughs. But unfortunately, once a romantic comedy loses its romance, then its condemned to rom-com hell, and, in the case of HOW DO YOU KNOW, it’s not finding redemption any time soon.

Rating: D