Movie Review: 'Little Fockers'

MEET THE PARENTS is a modern classic. Who can forget seeing Robert De Niro hook Ben Stiller up to a lie detector machine, or Stiller trying to describe how to milk a cat? Then came MEET THE FOCKERS, which thanks to the fresh new presence of Barbara Streisand and Dustin Hoffman as Greg’s eccentric parents, was amusing enough. Now the excuse (and trust me, it is nothing more than a poor excuse) for the 3rd one: it’s time to meet the baby Fockers! Greg and Pam have been happily married for 10 years, and now have two adorable twins. When the whole family gets together to celebrate the twins’ birthday, havoc ensues (surprise!).

Lately it seems like there is a distinct downside to creating something good: it will almost always lead to something bad. The humor that made MEET THE PARENTS the great movie that it was–there are no traces of that wit or relevance here. Relying almost entirely on mistaken situations (ones that could very easily be cleared up if God forbid any of the characters had the foresight to actually communicate with each other), tired movie references (Godfocker, really??), and physical humor, LITTLE FOCKERS is nothing more than the product of a studio that wants more money, and actors that clearly didn’t have any better options…not to mention a god-awful script. I mean really, the director of the first two peaced out on this one for a damn good reason. Although significantly downgraded in quality, we do get some of the same old, same old, “I’m watching you”, De Niro-style material…which I would have been fine with, perfectly content with even–if it were not for the fact that any time the film deviated from the same old, it found itself in comedy-for-retards territory. Kids projectile vomiting is NOT funny, no matter what anyone says. One of the horrendous additions to the film was Jessica Alba playing a peppy drug company rep. Yeah she’s gorgeous, I don’t think anyone needs to be convinced of that. But no amount of hotness could detract anyone from how annoying and mind-numbingly ditsy her character is. If I were a doctor (or a nurse, in Greg’s case), I would stay as far as humanly possible away from any drug she’s associated with. Anyone who raises their fist and says “knuckles” to try and gain my good graces will not succeed.

A friend of mine referred to LITTLE FOCKERS as “as good as you can expect from the 3rd of the franchise”. To me, that’s not good enough. Why make a third if you already know its going to be mediocre? Because the filmmakers are guaranteed to make loads of money, that’s why. So the more pressing question must be asked: Why see the 3rd if even the trailer looks mediocre? I know why people will see it. It’s the same reason why I had a shred of hope that it might actually exceed my expectations. I just love these characters. Unfortunately, when the third in the franchise plays out like the pointless, not just mediocre, but bad, movie it is, I have to warn all those tempted to waste their money: re-watch the first two again instead. You still have the chance to keep your love of the characters and the first film in tact. It’s too late for me.

Rating: C-